when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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