just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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