so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize