A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I need to calm my uterus...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
