worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
