The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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