i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize