I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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