Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
