How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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