I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
