dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We had to coat check the pizza.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
