it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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