Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
