Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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