the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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