I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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