VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
