I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
