i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
