We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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