Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize