Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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