i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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