My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Brb crying the tears of my youth
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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