i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
