i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
