So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Randomize
