Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
