I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
