we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
