well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
