when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Boobs speak an international language.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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