ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
