So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
