So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I love having hate sex.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
