Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
