just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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