Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
