guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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