You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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