no, he came in my armpit
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
