he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize