I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
