im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Houston, we have a blender
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
