There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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