I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
please come you make the beer taste better
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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