Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
