Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize