how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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