I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
not ubering you a puppy
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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