I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I believe in your delicious
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
