She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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