My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
