That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
