Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
