Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
