im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
