I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
