It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
