i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm both gender and math confused
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
