He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
