I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
