i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
