I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
