do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
