giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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