I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
