Need sex. Gaining weight.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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