i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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