I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
