She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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