...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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