Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
