please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize