I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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