Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
