Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
