hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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