so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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