we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize