oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
