Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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