We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
