remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
