Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
